


Our lives are ours

by Acrystar



Category: Bourne (Movies), The Bourne Legacy (2012)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 22:20:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 14,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24722941
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acrystar/pseuds/Acrystar
Summary: After Bourne Legacy, the FSB sent another killer to Aaron and Marta, Jason wishes to save her because he hadn't save Marie back then. He may even forgive himself and maybe learn to leave with the upheaval which takes form into a dark-haired Russian still alive after all that time...
Relationships: Aaron Cross/Marta Shearing, Jason Bourne/Kirill, Jason Bourne/Marie Kreutz
Kudos: 6





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [nanuk_dain](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/gifts).



Keeping a low profile isn’t very difficult, he’s like trash… he’s nothing! Losing all he had once, wasn’t a perspective for people like him. Well in this sort of life: you lose, you die; end of the discussion! So why is he still alive? He thinks of a twisted vengeful punishment, he thinks of a divine sentence for all the death and pain he had left behind him. He hugs himself in the cold winter wishing to go back somewhere he'll feel safe and himself, but he has nowhere to go, he's useless! He was now a prey and he never expected, he'll no longer be the hunter tracking down a future dead person... Because he is dead, more dead than alive, invisible for most of the humans walking in the same street than him. He's still breathing, but why is he still breathing? There are plenty of reasons why, why he is now like some dump. The first one being held by some blue eyes and some dirty blond hair…

For sure… this shouldn't be a surprise, most likely, Blackbriar is not the only mess the CIA had done, and there are plenty of secret operations that are falling down because of him. He doesn’t mind, well, it was not his wish to see all these dead people falling because of some sick bastards who play with ex-soldiers, but he will live with this as he lives with Marie’s death. He had already lost all he had once and it was the better part of him. But that’s his redemption, being Jason was far better than being David, even alone and lost.

Aaron smiles happily, he got Marta a new life. Well, not the one she had dreamed of, but she’s alive and that’s crazy miraculous. She’s tough, really strong. That’s why he’s still with the girl, even if he’s a perpetual danger for her. It’s better to keep her close because he will gladly take a bullet for Marta. For all she had done for him, and because he felt in love with her. He’s ready to take down every killer sent after them, he’s ready to kill any threat who may looks after them because he cannot lose what he has now, because he never had anything else. Marta is the first person who ever took care of him, she's a dear friend, he even didn't have one back in his old life, as his handler couldn't even count as one for he was mostly a father figure than a real friend and more importantly, the human face of his real boss.

He crashes onto the floor. His legs are limping widely and it’s not because of the rough beating he came across, no, it’s because he’s miserable and meaningless. He tries to stand again but his hangman tackles him down with only one hit. He’s suffering, well, not for long he thinks, because the FSB won’t let him live long, now that they have found him. The guy in the grey suit stops his torments with a sign of the hand. He sips his vodka, looking into a file with a strange and terrifying grin. “I have a deal for you… and I’m sure you won’t disappoint the agency another time, will you? If you do this, we’re good, we won’t chase after you... ever. Anyway, you are now useless for us and all you may know are now vain to our enemies, thanks to your failure we had to do some aggressive cleaning... So, this is the one and only chance you will have to gain your freedom. Take it or die.” Or die trying to be free, that’s what he thinks about. Because, really, they send him on a mission when he can’t even stand on his own two feet? Anyway, that will take care of his problems, he won’t die pitifully like some random homeless guy, he will die doing his job, that’s why he nods and takes the mission.

It takes him a lot of time and patience to find this Aaron Cross. This guy is making the CIA as crazy and wary as him, so the guy could be useful, he may even help if needed… Jason had taken his time, lurking into the CIA’s shadows, lips reading some good pieces of information about a murder tentative on Aaron and Marta being held by the famous FSB service they send to him long ago. Jason knows FSB snipers are the best, that had cost him Marie's life. That's why he vanished into the mass as he was dead for most of the people looking for him and follows the white rabbit down to its destination: far eastern Asia. That reminds him of so many memories: joyful and painful. Aaron and Marta are Marie and him, two people wanting to only live their life all alone, wanting to enjoy their shared love, their freedom... He needs to help them, he needs to save Marta, so one day, he can forgive himself and maybe Marie's killer... He didn’t have the time to mourn for Marie’s death, as he can’t find time for introspective thoughts about Marie’s killer he left alive back then… Sometimes he thinks he won’t have any other time for personal goals or occupations until the end of his time because it's better like that, people are safer far away from him. With Marie’s death who still haunts him, it’s for the best, because he doesn’t want to love anymore, he won’t do the same error twice, he will remain alone because it's better than suffering as he had. That’s why he tries to find Aaron before a killer takes his Marta, he needs to speak with the guy and persuade him to leave her alone if he loves her. He knows by experience that trying to keep someone close and alive is not a great idea!

There is something off, he doesn’t know what, but his eyes are searching for anything threatening. Marta’s words died into her throat as a bullet explode their window and miss her neck just because of the previous impact. Aaron took her fastly to the floor before the sniper had the chance of another aim. Taking his own gun out, he shouts to the doctor to stay still. This is bad, really bad! He didn’t suspect they will send a sniper for them! He though his handler had had the message cleary: don't come for us, we'll stay low. Shit! His handler was far more a close combat’s kind of person, but Aaron thinks for the first time his handler's failure may have cost him a lot, even his job! He's pretty sure of it now, his handler would never have sent sniper for him, not after his message. The man is a real soldier with principles, that's why he didn’t see that coming. He thought foolishly that they will be left alone, as he didn’t try to fight against them, nor did he try to find Jason Bourne. He could have, if he had wanted to he could have. Helping the guy to blow all that shit into hell, would have been pleasurable, but not with Marta in his care. His anger for them isn't worth losing the person he loves. He has something to lose, something so precious that if he loses it, he will become their worst nightmare! “Marta takes your gun, crawls to the kitchen, and be sure to do what we plan about this.” The girl is strong, she is tough enough to make this all alone, so after a glance in her direction, he looks through the broken window and saw him… The guy sent to eliminate them!

Gladly, he’s a sniper for the reason that in his state he cannot try to approach his target. Aaron Cross is not easy prey, he may even be deadlier than Bourne. The scenery reminds him of his past failure as an agent. A smiling girl and an enamored guy are looking for peace, but all they will find are troubles. Because people want them dead because he’s here with a rifle and he’s going for his first shoot. He misses her for only a few inches, he’s not the silent and perfect sniper he used to be. The trembling in his arms and legs didn’t help him to adjust his aiming. He’s mad about him, about his last target which had let him live this disgraceful life. He wants to put an end to his agonizing pain, to stop his tremors, to stop thinking about the bullet that never came. He’s already dead... Aaron Cross will just pull the trigger. He can’t run, nor hide so when the dirty blond-haired guy leaves the house, he keeps shooting, making his position clear. He waits for his death to come. The guy seems surprised he didn’t move, maybe the American thinks of a possible trap, but there is none, so he purposely misses his head to make him come for his kill. The man is running like an Olympic sprinter, the sniper wonders what the CIA had done to him for being that fast and powerful, but it's not his problems anymore, the Russian is waiting for a bullet that never came because the cross of a gun smashes his head so strongly, he convulses and loses consciousness.

When he found Aaron, it’s already too late. There are gunshots in the distance. He can’t really see what’s happening for the isolated house is hidden by some trees and cliffs. What will he do? Does he want to take the risk to be trapped into crossfire? Is it too late for the girl or for Aaron to be saved? And does he really want to sacrifice his own safety for a stranger? Jason is prudent. He won’t take the possibility to be mistaken for a threat by Aaron, for all he knows about the guy is really dangerous. He’s not a super-soldier, so what will he do if their attacker is some new brand of agent with much more powers than Aaron’s. That’s fucking crazy! Is this all they are? Experiments? Are they just some numbers on a list that can be erased for the newest version like some iPhone? That’s pretty much all they are: pawns, objects… He despites them so much, there is no human word to translate how he feels. Maybe there is a new perfect soldier over there, but he cannot leave Aaron to his fate, more importantly, he needs to save Marta, because she's not even a soldier! Jason Bourne is better than that, he's not David Webb and if he needs to die for being human, he will die as a good man, Marie would like that. He removes the safety catch of his gun and runs low into the landscape.

He had been hit numerous times, by preys, by his handlers, by his superiors too, you cannot be this good without some beating until you're just a perfect tool. You cannot be human and be sent to kill children and women. The sniper had been trained to never feel, to forgive his body, his soul even... He was just a weapon until Bourne took that from him, now his body cannot endure as much pain as before, so it's the first time for a really, really long time, he cries because of the pain. He cannot remember the last time he felt... His limbs are on fire, he can’t take it anymore but Aaron is cold and indifferent to his troubles. The next punch sent electricity to his brain, some pictures of his past came back so vividly... He can see the woman who gives him birth, taking some money from a customer who had left bruises on her neck. She had never loved him but despite that and her job, she had fed him until he was old enough to make his own living. The image disappeared abruptly as Aaron shouts to him. He tries to stand but his kneecap seems to be broken. He can’t really speak even if he wanted to, because Aaron had pushed his body to his limits and his mind cannot focus on anything but great pain and death wishes. He winces, trembles, and falls on the ground. “Who sent you, I won’t repeat the question!” The gun is pressed against his bad leg, he doesn’t give a shit about it, it’s useless now as it shivers like a corpse. “Speak.” “Aaron, please, stop, he’s having a seizure.” “I don’t give a shit! I want to know who is behind this, cause I need to protect you.” “No, Aaron, you don’t have to. I don’t want you to kill, but I don’t want you to die either, we can just… leave. Ok?” “Where? They will keep chasing after us until we’re dead!” “Maybe, but is killing him would make anything better?” The sniper wants her to stop speaking, if the guy beats him to a pulp he’s going to die, well, he’s dying slowly but he doesn’t want to struggle until the end. Couldn’t his death be rapid and painless? Why does he need to suffer more like this? He swears in his Russian tongue before jerking like an epileptic… seems he is now. “A spoon, can I have a spoon now?!”


	2. Chapter 2

Aaron is startled by the new presence in the room. He didn’t see the guy’s coming. His weapon turns to the new guy, who’s looking only to Marta. “Please, will you leave him to die like this?” “Marta, don’t…” But it’s too late, his girl is already going to the kitchen. Aaron keeps his weapon on the new guy’s head as he comes closer to the sniper and takes his head into his lap. Something is strange, something is off when the man brushes the dark hair like he knows the convulsing man lying on his floor. Then with a strong grab, he manages to open the killer's mouth and plunges the soon on his tongue to prevent the Russian guy to choke. Shushing his trembling members like a mother would do, the guy doesn't even look at the gun pointed to his head, even once. Who are those guys? “Who are you?” Who dares to turn his back to a gun pointed to his head? “Jason Bourne.” This name... how this man was able to find them, he never tries to contact him! “Why are you here for?” The guy remains silent, keeping his eyes on the sniper who convulses twice more before falling unconscious. “Do you want to live? If so, we need to move. They used this guy for finding you, they hoped you’d kill him, or best, you’d do this, as the real threat will come by sea.” “What?” Aaron swears when a detonation explodes into the quiet of the little house, the floor shakes like there were some earthquakes. Jason took the sniper into his arms, asking them to follow him. Well, he doesn’t have the choice for now as the bombshell bursts one after another...

They are safe and it is only thanks to Bourne. He had a bunch of diving equipment waiting for them on the other side of his house. Their Russian passenger was a surprise to Jason so he made most of the trip in apnea. It took them less than ten minutes with the two diver propulsion vehicles to meet a fishing boat, Jason had paid beforehand to wait for them. The old man hides them between his catches until they would be safely returned to the next city. When aboard Jason relaxes himself a little and examines the unconscious man. Aaron wonders who they are for each other. In their sort of job being friends with someone else is almost unthinkable, moreover with an FSB agent!  
"Who is this guy?" "He killed my Marta long ago. I made the mistake to think she was safe with me, but when the CIA wants you killed, you are nowhere safe. They'll send everyone they could think about to kill you. He was just a tool and there are plenty of other tools, others guys wishing to wow their supervisors..." "And you save him?" "Marie wanted me to stop killing people. I have the choice now, I'm not a tool anymore. Sparing his life back then saves yours today. If you had met one of the other FSB top snipers, Marta would be already dead, or you... but that's the same. Till she's next to you, they'll want her dead too, it'll be collateral damage, nothing more, nothing less. They can live with it!" Jason's eyes snap back to the man in his arms, the sniper stirs and then opens his eyes. He had a hell of a time to manage to focus on the person keeping him close to their torso and when he recognizes Jason, his eyes get bigger of stupor. "Bourne?" "Yeah, you're safe." The Russian groans. "You should have let him kill me!" The dark-haired man pushes back the American, he tries to stand up but crashes with pain into the other man's arms. "Don't. You're in no shape. When we'll be at my safe house we'll patch you. If I had known you'll be there, I would have grabbed some painkillers." At that word Marta seems to realize she could help, she doesn't look at Aaron when she grabs her medical bag, because she knew he would be against the idea. They must have done their retreat plan long before because there is everything to fix bullet wounds or worse, so Jason smiles. When she approaches them the guy in his arms tenses, so, he asks her to hand him the bag. He knows more than he should about painkillers so he takes a bottle and a syringe without even looking at the dosage. "Well don't get me wrong, but I need to see your thighs now, can't shoot you in the arms with that much." The Russian swears in his tongue, he then rolls on his side as much as he can without wincing for Jason to uncover his flesh and shots him into the muscle. "There, it'll get better." "Niet... I'm... useless." "I saw your aims, you're not." True, Marta thinks, as she puts her hand on her throat where the bullet grazes her skin. If it wasn't because of the window glass, she would have been dead. "Sleep." "Let me die." "I can't." "I killed her!" "Because we changed seats under the bridge, you aimed for me, and it was her. My fault. I should have known you'll take the aim for the driver." The swear in Russian is pretty insulting and totally explicit but Jason brushes it off giving back Marta her bag. It was true nonetheless, he should have known, people like they used to be, never think, they weren't authorized to think, they only aim and kill. He cannot disregard the Russian for that, it was unavoidable... Marie had to die one day or another, like Marta. He looks at her wondering how he'll manage to make Aaron realize she would be better without him. Would he had been able to understand it back then, if someone had warned him?

The safehouse is well located, without being asked, Aaron takes care of assuring their back, his eyes scanning the landscape with a deadly stare, meanwhile, Marta and Jason are patching the Russian sniper. "What's your name by the way ?" He tries to keep him focused on anything else than the pain and the teamwork he is doing with Marta on the sniper's body. "Kirill." "Kiryusha..." "Just... ha." Jason smiles, he used the name Kiryusha only to distract the guy because he needed to put back the kneecap on its way. Russians are very warry about nicknames and maybe it sounded almost like a bed name on his tongue, but that was useful, he knows he can use it another time if needed. "American bastard..." "That's me, but rejoice, you'll be able to walk with the painkiller." "Nice, I'm in heaven!" Marta looks at the two men wondering if they are actually flirting with each other, with their background it's unlikely to happen but she cannot go past Jason's hands on the sniper's body whenever he caresses his hair, face or torso. Maybe it's all about guiltiness or something like that... "Glad I'm that good..." The Russian cracks a smile, he dismisses Jason's hands trying to sit on his own. He needs some time before hoping to stand, it's exasperating him, but at least he can focus and his muscles more than on the pain. He inspires then finally stands by himself. He stumbles just a little, Jason's hand had stayed behind his back without moving, he should be mad about it, but the man didn't try to touch him, he had only waited for him to control himself.  
Marta understands guys like them need to be at least apt to stand by themself if they want to live. She stays silent as the man takes a tentative step, then another with a groan. "That settled then, you can walk, you can be useful." Jason takes off the cushion of the worn-out sofa to show the man a long-distance rifle. The dark-haired man whistles as he grabs the gun and starts to adapt the scope to his eyesight. "Pretty baby..." "I should have known you're an hoplophile, Kiryuha." "Fuck you, American hero..." "I should try, it seems pleasurable enough." Jason brushes off the dark glare, he takes some weapons and bullets for himself hidden under some consoles.  
Bourne should ask himself why he is so content to find back Marie's killer alive, why he takes care of the man as he was a friend... but not right now, they have better things to do, things they discussed in the boat while Kirill was still unconscious. "Aaron?" "Yeah?" "Off we go, I'll take Marta with me. Give me back my grumpy Russian, you know where we'll meet..." "Yeah, take care of her." "Sure, we are only a couple of tourists, if you oblige, Miss." Marta smiles, she takes Jason's arm looking at her lover one last time before their departure. Aaron frowns, but it's better like that, Jason may still be wanted, but Aaron is the target right now. She'll be safe with Bourne if he is, at least, half the man of the legend. He needs to make a low profile and with the Russian man, it'll be easy. He already looks like a homeless! With the guy, they'll pass through the slums without being too noticed. He puts the hoodie Jason had given him to hide his blond hair then he looks at the man next to him wondering if he really can put his life in his hands. Anyway, right now, with a gun in his arms, the Russian looks like a deadly killer, like himself, and the patching makes him more alive than later. "Kiryusha, don't die or I'm going to be really mad." "Yebat' tebya!" "Love you too!" The man groans aiming at Bourne's head with a deadly cold glare. The American smiles because right now the Russian isn't trembling anymore, he's perfectly still and if he chooses to shoot, Bourne knows the bullet would find a way just between his two eyes... "Glad you're not trembling anymore, you see, you're still a killer... only if you want to." He leaves the house without a look back because he already saw the deep astonishment into Kirill's eyes. If the man wasn't so deeply drowned into his own demons he would have understood his tremblings were only psychosomatic...

Marta walks silently with Jason, playing the young American couple in holidays with ease. Jason is so nice to be with, she looks at the map feining to search their way through the long streets of Pattaya. They need to find Jason's helping hand for their new papers, so they'll be able to take a plane in Bangkok and disappear for good, maybe in India... "Are you two... you know?" Jason takes a look at her. He knows perfectly what sort of question she's asking, but it's not like that. He doesn't know Kirill more than that, he just needs to find a way to keep him focused, and for now, his tactic is working perfectly. He doesn't hate the man, he doesn't love him either... he's not even sure what he really feels for him. "Not at all... We'll need him, he can shoot at a very long-range, his best aim was at 3 759 meters, his body may not be at his best, but the sight is still here. He just needs to focus, his tremblings are only psychosomatics." "What happened?" "I happened. Back then his mission was to kill me, he tried, he almost has done it, but I was faster. I could have killed him, but I knew Marie wouldn't have been happy I'd kill someone in her name. I kept the bullet, but I really thought he wouldn't have made it alive. He's still here so the least I can do is trying to put him back together..." Is it the truth? Jason wonders if that's the case, or is it because Kirill is the only familiar face he had seen in ages? He cannot find the answer yet, maybe time will help him to know... "You're a good man, I bet she's grateful to have known you. " "I hope so." Marta kisses his cheek, he looks at her smile as she grabs his hands and starts rushing to the nearest stall with crafted goodies for tourists. Being with her should be painful, but it isn't, even if she reminds him, Marie, he cannot feel sadness anymore. Sure she still misses him, but it's not sad and painful anymore. He smiles back, they actually are tourists, so he looks at the trinkets scanning their surroundings too. Russian FSB agents can be really obvious, moreover here in Thailand! "Oh, I want that!" "Nice charm for lovely lady. Charm for love and protection. Only 110 Bhat!" "Will you?" Jason sighs, she really is like Marie! He takes off his pockets some money, more than needed for the seller to be able to feed his family for some weeks. "Generous, generous Americans. Take another one. This is for love and vigor, for satisfy your lovely lady, you understand?" Jason smiles, tourists are really dumb if they believe in those coins. He takes it nonetheless to be polite and walks Marta to the next street. "Why you wanted that?" "Oh? It's not for me..." Not for her? He wonders for whom it'll be, maybe Aaron... When they arrived at the basement of his contact, he makes sure no one had tailed them before knocking. "Password?" "Down into the rabbit hole..." A black guy with rastas opens the door, he looks behind them, then asks them to enter before closing it fastly. "Been a while." "Yeah..." "Where's Marie?" The man looks at Marta with suspicious eyes, so Jason takes back his arm immediately. "She's dead." "Aw man, I'm sorry." The man seems really sorry for his loss, but he cannot stop looking at Marta with a nice smile. "She's not... Her lover will be here shortly. We'll need four passports." "Ok... so where do you come from?" "Let's be artistic! But one of us has a crazy Russian accent so you'll need to find an eastern Europe one."

She's worried about Aaron, Jason too, but more probably worried for his Russian mate. It's been hours, they should already be here! Their passports are already finished by the night, she's lulling next to Bourne when Jason takes his gun out because of some movements into the desert street. When the door opens on an angry Aaron, Jason asks his contact to open the door. "Shit we get tailed by a crazy Russian barbarian girl, I never saw that!" "She was Dutch, our girls are cuter than that." "She was a monster! Anyway, she's dead... Your sniper is pretty good at it." "I know." Meanwhile, Aaron and Marta embrace each other, he looks at the Russian man. The painkillers must be useless now, too much time had passed since the shot but he stands nonetheless even if his bad leg is threatening to fail at any second. "Door behind you. You need to lay down a little, I'm coming in a minute for the shot." "You like to see my butt, American? I can do IM myself." "I can't count on you, to be honest with me, with your shape..." "I'm fine!" "Stubborn Russian." "American dickhead!" Jason rolls his eyes because Kirill is falling on the ground reaching his body limit and frankly he is astonished he managed to stay up that long without the painkiller's help. "Useless leg..." "Let me help you..." "Noway, go fuck yourself, Jason!" Because of the Russian tone, Marta looks at the two men staying on their ground and starting to shout at each other. She sighs because Jason is doing too much. She understood long ago when she needed to back off with Aaron. Kirill is not Marie, he won't accept to be overprotected like that. She pushes Jason on the other side of the room, then smiles at the dark-haired man. "Maybe some lady's help will be best for now..." And with that, she grabs the Russian's arm and tries to pull him on his feet. The man makes his best for not being dead weight for her and he follows her lead to the bedroom. Kirill sighs when he sat on the bed, trying to thank the girl because he doesn't need Jason's pity or whatever it is, right now! He has some anger management to control beforehand. He's upset to be upset about what he had witnessed in the evening! "How are you?" "Fine!" "Don't play this game with me, I'm a doctor." "Feeling like trash, are you happy now?" Marta smiles, rummaging into her bag. She doesn't care about the Russian's humor, she gets ready the syringe and leaves the man to patch himself. He looks at it for a long minute then manages to shot himself in the thigh. He's so mad he wants to cry. What the fuck is going on with his mind?  
He lays on his back trying to think at anything else than Bourne, in his drugged mind he thinks of her... How many times his younger self had witnessed the woman selling her body for some easy cash because the USSR had fallen and they were famished? He encountered his fate some years later when he had stolen the wrong man, the General saw in him the perfect tool he looked for and he was sent into the new army at the age of 16. He can remember the pain, the loneliness, the beatings until he was hard as a shell until nothing could pass through him. And here he is, crying in anger into some sheets because he feels for maybe the very first time in his adult life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The surname Kyrusha used by Bourne is a family forme one, motherly. Kiryuha is used by friends.  
> Hoplophile is a paraphilia, meaning someone is attracted sexually by guns.  
> Yebat' tebya or Ебать тебя is the Russian equivalent of Fuck you.


	3. Chapter 3

The black man is working on the two new passports, while he observes the couple whispering sweet nothingness to each other. Marie never had missed him like that. He could picture himself with her, like them, bathing in their shared love... But she's not here anymore. His eyes turn to the back door as soon as some Russian words startle him. Jason takes a close look at the man standing in the room, blown pupils so big, his eyes are all dark. He wonders if Marta hadn't given him too much or if he was so worn out, the dosage was too strong for his body, maybe mind. "American!" "Yeah? What's happening, you should sleep some more, the road to Bangkok may be filled with problems if you were tailed this evening." "I'll handle them when they'll come! Story of my life... But I need to handle this, right now, before I'll lose my mind about it." "What's the matter?" "You kissed her, why did you kiss her?!" Jason blinks twice, was he speaking about Marie... or... could he? But how? The dark gaze can kill someone and it jumps from Bourne to Marta with ice and venom. "I saw her... Girls are only troublesome, useless whores! The fuck she kissed you." Marta tenses in Aaron's arms under the evil look sent toward her. She blinks too and then smiles gently. Maybe she was right and the two men are flirting with each other, so the anger here, is only jealousy but he shouldn't be jealous in the first place. "It wasn't a kiss... We were supposed to be a couple of Americans taking some holidays together, a kiss on the cheek is innocent enough. I'm not interested in Jason. I'm Aaron's girl, I do not wish to change that." She emphases her words by snuggling into Aaron's right arms, proving to Kirill but to Aaron too that her kiss means nothing at all and wasn't actually a kiss in the first place! "By the way, Jason brought this to you." The Russian takes a step to the girl, she puts the lucky charm coin into his palm with a devilish smile. She can see Jason frowning in the corner of her eyes, as the sniper arches an eyebrow looking at the Buddhist coin. "What the fuck... American! I'm not in love with you... the fuck! Russian soldiers aren't supposed to love." He groans, sending the coin into Bourne's face and with years and years of training he got, the coin pokes the man right into the middle of his forehead. He said that mostly for himself because his drugged mind focuses only on Jason and his fucking blue eyes, Jason and his kind-hearted-mind who dropped his aim, sparing his life. He was his prey, he was his to kill and Jason chooses to let him stay alive but he shouldn't be! No, he shouldn't breathe. He loses and losers aren't supposed to live! Jason had won, he should claim his life instead of trying to fix him... "I hate you. What you give to me wasn't freedom, it's hell. Mudak. My life is yours to take. Take it!" "I'm not killing you just because you ask for it." "I killed her!" "I know, we already discuss that." "I lose, take it, Jason, it's your right. I'm your prey... take it!" The blown pupils are piercing into his mind, he lets Kirill came closer then bows to him waiting for Jason to do something with his life. He cannot. He looks at the broken man but cannot indulge because Jason promised Marie and because he can't pull the trigger! "Is that what you want?" "I don't want to kill you, Kirya." Kirill wants to punch the guy until he's no more. He cannot be Jason's slave till the end of his life, he'll lose himself into that fate! He had never been owned by a man, not since his childhood and first classes. He was owned by the FSB and the FSB always used him for only one purpose, the only purpose he accepted. Because being a killer was far better than being a whore like his mother or being a slave and a toy for his first handler's sadistic soul.

He asks Kirill to go to sleep, but the man stays unmoving in front of him. However, his body language is rapidly changing and his still blown eyes are now alert and ready to kill. "What?" "Problemy." Jason jumps on the couch, something crawling under his skin, his contact had just the time to enter his saferoom before something blast behind them. A girl breaks the door and jumps on Aaron, she seems like a cute little Asian but her movements are way beyond fast. She must be one of these newly brewed super warriors. Jason grabs Marta's hand when a tall blond guy enters the room just behind the furious Asian girl. His powerful punch broke the console next to them and sends him flying on the wall. He noticed he must have broken ribs because of the impact. This must be another of theses genetically changed warrior because Jason manages to avoid the fist and was stricken only by his impulse. When the beast moves forward, he braces himself for an impact, but he looks with horror Kirill cracking his neck as he approaches the tall Dutch barbarian by the side. If he takes a blow the Russian may not be able to stand back, but he dodges the powerful assaults with ease then plunges a blade twice in the man's torso. "Don't fuck with me, I'm the only one entitled to kill that man!" Jason tries to find back his breathing because he needs to help Kirill, but Marta is already by his side to make sure the ribs didn't perforate an organ, he moans when she probed the damaged ribs. "It's ok, it's only a crack." Jason is studying the Russian sniper with new eyes, he saw the sniper, he saw the soldier too, he just had encountered the broken prey waiting for death, but this man is a wild beast... The tall blond man is bleeding and the Russian is weakening him with each stab, he could certainly kill him faster but he's taking his sweet time with the sharp smile of someone enjoying inflicting pain. Behind him, the battle is over, Aaron craked the neck of the girl not without a difficult fight. Marta is reaching for the man as soon as he licks the blood coming from his lips. "Are you ok?" "Yeah, don't worry, the bitch is dead! Fucking ninja!"  
Jason closes his eyes and angrily shout in sharp Russian. "Kill him already!" "Yeah sorry, Mr. I forgot my memory and became a better man." With that, the blade plunges into the assassin's neck and opens his throat covering the dark-haired sniper with blood. He's looking at his prey on the ground but he's not feeling better any less. The short blade falls next to the corpse, he used too much of his legs for escaping the brutal force of his opponent, but before losing consciousness, he makes sure Jason is safe and well.

Kirill is watching at his first handler. He doesn't wish to remember that, his cold gaze when he feasted his eyes upon him. When he had finished the army, he was gifted by hi General to some powerful man to kill for him. It could have been bearable if the man hadn't wished more from Kirill. He touched him, he wanted him, wanted everything from him, his obedience, his body, his soul... Army had made him strong and unbreakable, but that man breaks everything he learned and stripped him from everything, even his humanity, that he was left to nothing. He was only a weapon with no heart, no soul... no judgment. He made him a beast and one day he killed the handler. It wasn't for revenge, it wasn't because of the pain, nor the rapes or worse, it was just survival. He was glad to be sent to the FSB after that, it was his home more than the house he grows into or the army.  
The guy is mocking him as he sharpens the blade he used to cut his skin for his own sadistic pleasure. "You're a failure, Kirya! I think I learned you better. If you wanted to, this guy would be bleeding to death, like I was... But you lose and you're still alive, bound to your prey like a slave waiting for death. Failure! Or maybe you want him to use you like I was, Kiryusha? Maybe you do miss that old-time, don't you?" The man smirks, he tries to pat his head, but Kirill takes a step behind. "Do you wish him to fuck you or do you want to fuck him?" The man spits on the floor ahead of him. When he was scrutinizing him like that, Kirill knew he'll be used to please the man, but he's not his toy anymore. He is an FSB agent, a top sniper, and a killer... "You should let him fuck you, you worth nothing else. Dog." Or he was... The man is strangling him with a devious smile, the same way he had done so many times back then when he was his slave because there are no other words for that. A bowing slave for the devil... 

Kirill wakes up in a scream, on the other bed, Marta bounces. When she sees Kirill's face morphing into a tortured soulless man she felt a big pang into her heart. They were only numbers. All she had to do was looking at their blood test, all she had to do was checking a box to notify if the experiment went good or wrong. How many had died into the tests, how many had lost their minds? She sobs. She may not be responsible for Kirill's pain, but when Aaron dreams about his past, she felt responsible for it. How could she have been that blind? They are not weapons, even the one volunteering for it, they were just men and women and now, they were only victims. She's glad Jason is there. The man on the chair next to the other bed, puts a hand on the sniper's neck, waiting for him to get back together. But the man cries like a broken puppet and Marta feels bad for him. "Sleep Marta, it'll be better if he's not aware we're awake..." She closes her eyes, snuggling next to Aaron trying to feign sleep. But she can't, she can't bear the suffering behind her so she opens her eyes looking at the lost man and she wonders what happened to him.  
"Kiryusha... it's ok..." "Stop it, stop it American, if you want to fuck me, fuck me right now but I'm not your toy nor your slave, I'm not a broken man to save, nothing is to save!" Jason frowns a little, the surname was always helping the man to stand up, but now the anger is cold and apathetic. If the easy way is welcomed like this, then he cannot help but slapping the guy to put some sense back into his head. "Not sure who is saying those words but you should stop pitying you, I'm not. You killed that super-soldier, not me." Something is crazy into those eyes, he's not sure what sort of problems the Russian has, but drugs are sending him into a dark hole. He'll cut half the dose to prevent other strangeness!

While he was trying to stand up to leave the room, Kirill's hands crawl onto his body, suddenly stopping his movements. Jason wonders if the man wants to kill him because his hands are smashing on Bourne's throat. The American turns to face the sniper readying himself for a fight, but the blow never came because the Russian is kissing him. Eyes opened and filled with hate, they locked their gaze and Jason tenses. Well, between hate and love, there's nothing more tricky than a thin line, and Kirill just crossed it. Jason doesn't know if he crossed the same line when he chose to spare Kirill's life. Did he really felt in love with the man, who was able to injure him twice? Did he felt in love with his cold and deadly mind? Does he love the fact the man is still here, behind the shreds he left in the tunnel? Jason is troubled because he cannot answer his own questions. Powerless, he loses himself into the dark glare, and his own mind. He doesn't kiss back, but he definitely isn't trying to stop the man! "I'm a failure." To be frank, love is a failure in itself in their kind of job. A good pawn isn't supposed to feel. They are only allowed to subdue for a headless force and their handler's requests, whichever it could be. However, Kirill is not an FSB's puppet anymore, but he's still an ex Russian soldier nonetheless. Jason had heard about the Russian army and what it can do to guys a little too soft and to guys loving guys. His army isn't better, but the "don't ask, don't tell" law helped a little.  
Bourne suspects Kirill had endured things beyond his imagination. The man is the strong soldier he may or may not be in love with. However, he can see vulnerabilities in a man destroyed by years of reprogramming. He can remember some of the water torture the CIA had done to him until he completely subdued to them. What have they done to Kirill? "You're just a man. Nothing is wrong with it! You're not theirs anymore, Kirill. You can do whatever you want..." "No, I'm yours." Jason cannot understand Kirill's logic. He never looked at his targets as if they were objects. Did David though like the man in front of him? "No, you're yours. I didn't shoot because I thought you'll die soon. I saw it into your eyes in our world, resignation is death. I didn't shoot because Marie would have hated it. You only followed orders as I had. Live for the things you believe in, Kir." "I have nothing, never had... This work was the only life I knew. I stayed alive, for you to finish the work, I stayed alive to understand why you didn't shoot. But everything you said is alien, I should be dead, death is better than that..." The Russian isn't speaking about the pain nor the scars he gave him, he speaks about the feeling he never learned to control, and it's making him crazy. Jason cannot do anything for that. "I'm sorry." "I hate you so much." 

Kirill is kissing him another time. When Jason wants to open his lips to share the kiss to taste the man, he understands why he didn't shoot. It was partly for Marie, sure, but it was definitely for something else! He manages to stop himself before he closes his eyes and indulges in his wants. He looks painfully at Kirill stepping back, not finding the courage to express what he really wants, what he really thinks... "I hate you." "You have a strange way to show it, Kir." "Go fuck yourself." They could stay like that, better and worst enemies or they could deal with it, and it's up to him to do, or say something because Kirill won't be able to do it. "Want to watch?" Kirill sighs, and punches him into the face, however, Jason keeps his smile. The sniper's eyes sharpen, to the point he's pretty sure Kirill is thinking of cutting his throat opens.  
The man closes his eyes, sighing another time, and he lays his back into the sheets, looking at the ceiling. "Kiss me." "What?" "Kiss me for fuck's sake, and I'll follow you everywhere, like a dog, if that's what you want. As I said, my life is yours to take, and if that's the way you want it... take it, give me a fucking reason to bear that." He can't, no, he could. But he doesn't want to be responsible for that, he doesn't want to be Kirill's handler, or worse, because his words are darker than that. He killed Marie, he shouldn't love him in the first place, but he still cannot find a reason to hate the man! Jason leaves the room without looking back. He cannot, can he? His sleep is restless, Marie doesn't stop haunting him, saying he had the choice, but what choice?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mudak or Мудак is the Russian equivalent for of Asshole.  
> Kirya is another friendly form of the name Kirill.  
> Kir is said to be a rarer surname, with a neutral tone.


	4. Chapter 4

The road to Bangkok is long and eventless, the roads are in bad shape, and the bumps make him groans each time. He caresses the strips the doctor wrapped against his injured ribs, trying to focus only on what needed to be done. He took the passenger seat next to Aaron, not wanting to stay close to the sniper. No one is speaking, and each time he finds the dark glare on the rearview mirror, he breaks the contact.  
"I know he's Marie's killer, but you were the first to flirt with him. He cannot stay alive if he seeks death." Aaron is refueling the old car they managed to buy in the slums, as Kirill stands far away from them, smoking a cigarette, and looking into the horizon for possible followers. "I didn't flirt with him." "Are you sure? I'm not caressing the head of all my patients, only Aaron's. And I don't give people nicknames, if I don't care for them so much, I can't help myself. I don't know how much you care for him, but that should be enough for you to answer that question..." He looks at Marta, grasping she already knew, back then because she made him buy the coin for Kirill. But can they really find love in that? Their lives are a mess, Kirill killed the girl he loved and Jason had put a lash on her killer's neck without noticing it. He chose to spare Kirill, hence, maybe the guy is right, that life is his... but something is still worrying him. "I have the strange sensation I knew him before I lost my memories." "Did you ask him?" "And what if? If we knew each other, I forget everything about it. FSB and CIA agents are not that friendly to each other." "Maybe you have done an operation together." "So he faced the person I was. Marta, I was far worst than you can think of." "Are you afraid of the truth?" "I may." "It's your last chance to know because one day, he'll run away, and he'll die." Marta leaves him behind, she takes Aaron into her arms and smiles happily when the man groans because of the public display. He kisses her nonetheless, oblivious of the people looking at them. Marie misses him. He had never seen her into his dreams until yesterday. What was the choice she speaks of? He sighs. David Webb? He chose to stop remembering, but maybe there is one more thing he needs to know about his past self. 

He walks to the sniper who breathes out a puffy cloud of smoke when Bourne stops next to him. "Where do we met before I became Jason?" There is a long pause, in which he thinks he's wrong in the first place, and Kirill is a total stranger. "Russia." Jason looks at the sniper's face, waiting for more explanation, but they never came. "We worked together?" "Da. An FSB and CIA joint operation, they had sent their best assets for that: you and me. It was a whole family. They knew too much, and our agencies wanted them dead. It goes wrong, the little boy saw your face and flee with his bodyguard. It takes us a month to find them back..." Kirill stopped himself, but there is something in his eyes, something devoided of the hate he can find each time in his eyes. "Did something happened back then?" Hatred flared back vividly, he crushes his cigarette's butt without care. "David Webb was a bastard, he tried to rape the nurse so I put a bullet into her head. I may not like girls for anything else than sex, but I'm not into rape. He makes sure I understood no one had the right to say no to him." "What have I done?" Jason already knows it, but he needed to hear it because it'll change everything... "You rape me instead of her." Bile raise into his mouth, he doesn't remember anything about that, but the first time he saw Kirill, he was sure he had already seen him. Marie or his feelings stopped him before he puts a bullet into the man's head. Now he understands why. It was guilt all along. "When they give me Jason Bourne as a target, I recognize Webb immediately. I was sure it was a ruse of yours, but I saw no recognition in your eyes. Anyway, I wanted you dead, I wanted you to feel like I felt, and killing your girl was just a plus. I was blinded with hatred. You should have killed me. I still hate you, even if I know you don't remember what he had done to me." "Sorry... the more I discover about Webb, the more I despise him and myself. Everything I'm doing right now is trying to negate his choices and actions, how can I make amends for something like that?" "You can't, there is nothing to do." "It's like as if my body knew, the way I touched you..." "The same way he touched me after he beats me to pulp and raped me like it was nothing like it was... normal." He feels ill, but it'll save it for later because when his eyes bow in shame, he saw a red dot sliding on Kirill's torso.  
"He called me Kiryusha after it, but it was degrading, not... nice." It was in the same tone his first handler had said it so many times when he tortured him for his own pleasure. Kirill cannot forget it, but even if he still hates David for what he had done, Jason isn't David. Webb would have killed him, or would have gladly accepted his defeat and would have chained him and tortured him like his handler. Even with asking for it, Jason did not take the opportunity. When their eyes meet, Jason tackles him, the bullet aiming for his arm instead of Kirill's heart. 

It's a 403 Cheyenne, but he knows it's a Russian aim. If not, it would have killed him first. His bones broke at the impact of the bullet, he stumbles, but Kirill catches him before he falls on the ground. The soldier runs for the car, screaming to him. "Don't fucking die on me!" Blood flows like a river... it must be the brachial artery, it seems really bad. "Jason! Don't die for me, please!" "It's my amend. I'm sorry for what he had done to you, Kirya." "Don't." He hates him so much because Jason makes him helpless. He makes him remember the dog he used to be, but he doesn't have the strength to see him die either. He's losing his composure, but Marta calls for him. "Use this, tighten it around his arms! Aaron finds somewhere to hide, I need to clamp that, or he'll die." "Don't..." Jason smiles, looking into Kirill's eyes. He won't leave them until the very last moment, or at least he'll try. "I hate David Webb, but I love you, Jason..." He hopes Marie will be happy, even if, somewhere along the road, he felt in love with her killer. Just a minute or two of more blurriness and they'll be together. He can see her, feel her... He's almost unconscious when they put him on a table. He doesn't even stir when Marta opens the wound to find the artery. He manages to focus on Kirill one last time before falling into a strange light where Marie is waiting for him. "Jason? Jason! Stay with me! Damn Marta, hurry! Don't die, fucking American hero!"

All is quiet, so quiet, Jason tries to catch Marie, but she shouts angrily at him. "Are you already giving up? Are you really giving up now?" "I can't..." "Come on! You cannot give up now! You need to stay alive, you need to go back!" "I'm..." It's so nice to be here, there is no suffering, no parasite feelings to drown into. Marie is his shelter, she's home. When he looks at her, he can remember the long afternoon they share, their sweet words, the way he couldn't stop touching her, loving her, protecting her... Fuck! Something is missing him because the hair he cherished and caressed is shorter than Marie's ones, they're not doing precious locks... "Don't give up for me. You're tougher than that and he waits for you." "I don't want to go back..."

Marta is panicking, she cannot stop the blood to flow, she'll need a real medical staff to help and when the artery escapes her finger another time, she starts crying. "I can't..." Aaron sighs, they don't have a lot of time head of them, the killer must have followed them, maybe he's even near them the moment they speak. "Calme down. Marta, you can do it." "There is too much to do..." "So stay calm and do what you need to do to keep him alive!" "I said I can't! The artery is retracting itself, he bleeds to death." She dares to raise her watery eyes to the man in front of her. Kirill is dead silent, he's so calm she thinks he's in a state of shock, but the man is thinking fast, about something he saw in a battle. He blinks, takes his blade, and cames next to Jason's body. The man is as white as a sheet and hardly breathes at all. If they keep on procrastinate, the man will die, so he looks at Marta wishing to win her undivided attention. "It'll be nasty, but I'm pretty sure you can handle it. Once I'm at it, clamp the artery." "What are you doing?" "What is needed to be done..." Kirill breathes in and starts cutting through Jason's skin. He may kill the man, but at least he'll try his best." "Oh my God..." "Get ready..."

Marie bows her face, hiding it behind her hair. "So now that you avenge me, your only wish is for death?" "My only wish is to be with you..." "You are, you always are, I'm always by your side and always will be. You know, I loved him at first sight, the man I followed without question. The strong man I die for... you're not this person anymore." "I am." "No you're not, you wouldn't ever dare to think about leaving me alone behind, would you?" "I'm not leaving you..." "You're doing worse." "He killed you..." "And I'm peacefully accepting it if it means you have to live if it means you will grow old, and achieved our dreams. Come..." Jason lets it go, he closes his arms around Marie and breathes her perfume. "I miss you so much..." "I know... do you remember our dreams?" "The house next to the elephant's sanctuary?" "Yes... We should have done it, why we backed off each time?" "I don't know, it wasn't a good time." "I'm afraid, us, wasn't a good idea in the first place. It wasn't our time to be together... I really want to see that house, even if I don't live in it with you..." "I'm not going anywhere without you." "I know. I'll stay with you, Jason." "I'm sorry..." He loved her so much, how could he manage to fall in love with her killer? He cries into her arms wishing for forgiveness even if he already knows she had forgiven him. Marie kisses his cheek with a sad smile. "Are you ready?" "I am. I'll go anywhere for you." "I love you." "I love you too..."

Jason feels good, he drowns into the light with a smile, if dying is like that, he'll go nowhere else.

"Jason?" "I love you..." The man playing with his blade is startled because of the words, he looks at Jason's face understanding he stopped breathing. Something cracks in his mind, they were so close... "I have it!" "It's too late, Marta." "Don't... say that." Kirill can't look at it anymore, he turns his back to the dead body and starts crying. That's all he got, that's what she left him with. A pain so unbearable he's falling on the cold ground with a hole in his chest. He hates David Webb for what he had done to him, but he hates Marie way more because she took David's best part... "Marta... we should..." "I'm not finished, Aaron!" He wants to die, even his first handler wasn't as vicious as her. She took Jason, why does she have to take him?!


	5. Chapter 5

All is quiet, so quiet... Jason's plan was suicidal, but they made it alive somehow. They are in the middle of the National Park of Horton Plains, in the center of Sri Lanka. Marta works in the Park as a vet, meanwhile, Aaron patrols it. He's also the first shooter when an animal needs to be anesthetized.  
Kirill sighs, he's bored to death in the little town they adopt as their new home. It's not like he can do much with his body, or if he has any experiences with animals... It could definitely be worse. Because Marta saved him... 

The man is running with kids on the dead-end road, they are playing soccer. The little monsters love to see the man taking off his droid arm, as they call it. Yeah, Marta saved him, but not his arm.  
Thanks to Marta, they manage to keep him alive, somehow, even if it was more butchery than real surgery. More importantly, Marie sends Jason back to him...  
They have put a low profile since then because problems can still happen, and they need to be sure the Dutch or Russian assassins will stop to pop here and then, to kill them. Last month, Marta had managed to trade the egg of a rare bird to an Asian collector, for a brand new prosthesis, for Jason to be as deadly as before. That's why the kids are laughing when they see the cold metal arm, calling Jason: droid or Terminator.

"Hey, what are you doing?" "Looking at you." Kirill frowns, since Jason's death and resurrection, they stopped speaking to each other. Kirill is still here, trapped by his own feelings for Jason every day he thinks of fleeing, and every day he stays because Jason came back, and he can't help hoping he had done it for his sake. He stays because the blue eyes are always making him weak, to the point he accepted to be a slave to whatever the feeling is. "Like what you see?" Jason approaches him, bathing his whole body in the grazing sun. "Maybe..." Jason smiles to the sniper who swears in Russian, because yeah, he loves what he sees. Jason is alive and that all that matters.  
The American sits next to him, and they stay silent, looking at the children daydreaming about being some soccer stars he doesn't even know. "I'm glad she didn't take you with her..." Mary is still a taboo topic, but he needed to say it out loud. "She sends me back." That's all Jason has to say. Marie didn't want him to stay by her side... The memories are fuzzy, but when he thought he was dead, and finally reunited with the girl he loved, he opened his eyes on an angry Marta shouting to him. She slaps him twice to make him react, and everything was pain and suffering. Somehow he hated Marie and Marta for some seconds, but he forgives them as soon as he saw the timid smile on Kirill's lips and his puffy red eyes.

The Russian's heartbeat fastens when Jason put a hand on his. It's the only thing they can do publicly. They understood fastly, the country has some customs they shouldn't try to go against. Even Marta sighs and groans occasionally, she cannot even manhandle her man when she wants it. 

"Too hot here, I miss Russian's winters." "Let's go back home." Thanks to Marta and Aaron's jobs, they can share a nice house given to the park's staff. As they offered them to choose which one, Bourne chose the one next to the elephant's reserve, so he can keep his promise to Marie.  
For the record Bourne is now Aaron's little brother, as the man seems older than him. Jason is still wary of any new white people, but no one seems to believe they made it alive, as they had covered their tracks with dead bodies and a crashed private plane. As he had said, the bigger the better, the CIA will try to find DNA, and thanks to him and his dead arm, they'll have material to analyze. It's almost too perfect. When the door is closed behind them, he can freely grab the Russian's hand into his and hugs it. "Want a Colonel?" "You know how to speak to a Russian man." Nothing beats some lemon sorbet drowned in some good vodka!  
They are eating their treat when Aaron comes back. He doesn't look more than needed to their joined hands because he's not sure what's going on between those two. And since they don't want to speak about it, he'll respect their wish! Anyway, he's glad they were here in the first place, for he's not sure Marta would have made it alive. "I'm dead." "How is the baby elephant?" "I don't know, but its mother was a pain in the ass... I prefer fighting a super-soldier than a mommy elephant really mad we shoot at her baby from our jeep. By the way, they need a new one!"  
They don't have a lot in common, and mostly the three killers cans stay silent in the same room without speaking to each other. And what they'll discuss? Weapons? Bullets? Best way to kill someone? They are trying to keep all of that behind them, in the remaining ashes of their crashed plane. That's their new life, and it'll ask time for them to find a goal in it, it'll take time for them to understand what they like, what they wish to do with their times... Sure, they still have weapons and are ready to use them, sure, they sleep lightly and are mindful of every potential threat that can come to them, and sometimes shouts about a past ghost wake up all the house, but that's their life. "I'm home! How are my boys?" "Those two are emptying the vodka, as always, and I was beaten by a mommy elephant..." "My poor baby, I'll take care of you! How the arm, Jason?" Jason smiles when Marta kisses one of the wounds on Aaron's head. He now understands she'll never be better far away from the man! Maybe one day she'll die if the CIA finds them back, but it'll be foolish to stop their love. It worth the pain to have loved Marie all these years. If needed, he would do it again.  
Feeling something like love is the only thing that distinguishes them from what they were, and it's not a weakness, it's a strength, the best they ever had! "The same. It works fine. There is always ghost pain, though, but I had worse! Plus vodka is totally helping." Marta rolls her eyes because her patients are worst than the animals she tries so hard to keep in good health. "Ok... Kirill, I count on you to let me know if pain happens more often." "I will." "So off we go, we'll try to be as silent as possible..." Sometimes he wonders if the things they have done to Aaron changed him sexually too because they can fuck for hours. At least they were silent for thirty minutes!

Kirill is laughing like a mad man looking suspiciously at the stairs. "What's so funny?" "She makes me remember one of my cheap whores." "Good old time?" "Da..." "There're some cuties around there..." "No!" "Why?" "Girls don't like scars, not that many scars... I don't want questions." "How about someone who won't ask any?" "Why this person won't ask?" "Because the person has their share of scars too." Kirill frowns, something in the baby blue eyes shines with malice, sometimes he sees David behind them, mostly when the man is scanning around them for danger, but not right now, it's only Jason. "And why would he want a broken Russian?" "Because the broken Russian is easy to the eyes." "Will it be regular?" "I think he's ok with that." Kirill finishes his alcool in a sardonic smile. "I don't play with men, I prefer cheap whores for that, but if he seeks for more than sex, we can... speak about it, in front of another glass of vodka." "Not for me, I'll take water if you don't mind." "Why would I mind?! It means more vodka for me!" Kirill grabs the bottle, and they are kissing as soon as the sniper had empty his glass. Jason needs to put a hand on Kirill's mouth to stop it because he wants to be sure it'll be healthy for them both. "I don't want to know when I started to love you, I don't want to wonder about what it means about me, about the love I shared with her, but I don't care anymore. It was the best decision I made, I'm glad I didn't shoot..."

Kirill's eyes scan him, disbelieving what he had just said. However, he cannot find anything dubious into his eyes. The man is, a long moment silent as if Jason had punched him hard. "I killed her." "I know." "I'm a man." "I know, Kirill." Jason cannot help a laugh, but he stops Kirill from doubting him by kissing him, and it's not greedy as their previous kisses. "Do you really?" "I do." Kirill didn't expect it, nor knows how to react to the word. Jason wishes he knew more about the man to help him trust his feelings because they are too precious to play with... "You can't." "Of course, I can." His prosthesis stops Kirill from running away. He still has some difficulties to adjust his strength with the damn thing, and Kirill is wincing, so he releases him. "I can, and I do." "I gave you my life, and that's what you want?" "Yes." He knew he could have asked for anything, but he doesn't want to. He gave Kirill his freedom, his free will! He gave him the possibility to feel with his heart, to love, and to be loved.

Something dies out into Kirill's eyes, so Jason cames closer to him. "Speak to me." "I... everyone used me, everyone, I knew, everyone, I trusted." "That's why you want me to do it?" "Da..." Jason sighs, he closes his eyes, letting Kirill go, but before the man chooses to go out, he orders him into their shared room.  
Jason closes behind them, examining the man in front of him. "You want to be mine?" The man closes his eyes, he, then, falls on the ground as a response. Jason cames closer to draw Kirill's head next to his stomach, he can't help caressing the man's head with affection. What have they done to him? His hands tense up when he realized he could be dead. What would Kirill become without him? His face goes to the ceiling, Jason thanks Marie for sending him back where he was needed. "It's ok, I'll take care of you. I love you, Kiryusha." The man silently cries while Jason caresses his head. One day, Jason will ask about Kirill's past, and he'll order him to open up. Anyway, Kirill needs a break right now, and he'll give it to the man. 

He feels protected and loved for the first time in his entire life, maybe his handler's ghost was right, he wanted to be Jason's dog because it'll be nice. Kirill will never live for himself, he's a follower, the freedom is not for him to take, or he'll take it only to give it to that man. His digits grab Jason's shirt because life never gave him something that sweet, and he can not suppress that fear to lose it. "Calm down, Kirill. I'm here. You're mine, and no one will take you back, no one will take me back. Breath." They stay silent for a very long moment. Eventually, Jason came to his knees too, pushing Kirill's face into his neck. They bath into the quietness of the evening, sharing words Kirill is not used to. "Do you need anything else?" "I'm yours to take." Jason's eyebrows twitched a little, urging Kirill into his bed. He knows and understands what he had just accepted, it shouldn't be a surprise because they are broken toys, they were slaves to use and kill, if needed. Jason should be happy he had forgotten about the tortures and the abuses...  
Anyway, he loves the man, so he crawled into the bed with him and oblige the man to look at him. "I'm not your handler, and you're not my dog. Let's be clear... I may own you right now because you need it, but I love you. I won't take anything from you if you don't choose to give it to me first." "YA lyublyu vas..." Jason is a little surprised. When Kirill chooses to speak to him in Russian, it's mostly to insult him or to swear. But right now, he chooses his tongue to share his feelings for him. Jason could answer back in Russian, but he prefers to do it in English. "Love you too, Kiryusha." He locks his eyes with Kirill's, the man trembles into his arms, but it's not from pain, nor psychosomatic, it's want. "Take me, for fuck sake's." "You sure?" "Do you want me to take you?" Kirill is taken aback, Jason loved a woman so he never thought the man would try anything else than what he had done with Marie. "I just want you to enjoy everything, I don't mind if I'm top or bottom." The dark eyes are shining with mischief. He can't wait to taste Jason, but not today! Right now, he wants the man inside of him! He wants to feel something good, something he'll enjoy much more than all the cheap whores he got bored with.  
"I always was a bottom with men, but they never gave me a choice beforehand." "So, don't forget you have that choice with me." "I won't, but right now, fuck me!" Jason laughs into Kirill's neck, he kisses the skin here, making the man under him exhale deeply. "Let me get you ready, you'll never experience pain from me, are we ok?" "No pain. Da." Jason asks himself if Kirill had ever enjoyed sex if he ever took pleasure with the whores he speaks of... Did he already make love to someone, or was it only to satisfy physical tension? The cold man is nowhere to be seen, he's unrestrainedly whispering his love, and his pleasure as Jason takes care of his body and maybe his soul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YA lyublyu vas or Я люблю вас is the Russian equivalent to I love you.


	6. Chapter 6

"My boys, the movie is beginning!" Marta falls down on the couch, she smiles deviously to Aaron, who wore the red devil horns she puts on his head after the meal. She should have made him wear the tail too!  
Jason never had any Haloween, or he cannot remember them... He's not looking forward to it, but when Marta has an idea, they cannot bypass it. He looks at the couple of demons, kissing each other when Kirill came back home. "You took your sweet time, Kiryat!" The man looks at him in disbelief, reacting to his new nickname with a priceless expression. "I'm going to kill you, Bourne... Anyway, choosing vodka is an art. You, stupid American, can't understand that!" "Sure, I'm not the one drinking all of it, Kiryat!" The man sends him a grimace when he says the nickname a second time. "Say that pun one more time, and I'll poison your glass with some antifreeze." "Touchy Russian..."  
Kirill rolls his eyes but smirks nonetheless. It's nice to have a new nickname occasionally, it means Jason isn't looking forward to changing his mind and finding a girl! He then looks at Marta and Aaron, wondering if they'll actually have sex on the couch, just in front of them. He clears his throat, disconnecting Marta from her man. 

"Sorry! Come on, let's look at the movie! It's Halloween!" Jason can clearly hear Kirill's mind screaming an anti-American insult, as he flops on the other side of the couch. At least, the candies are ok, but the vodka is far better, thanks to his mate's good taste in strong alcohol! Jason doesn't really follow the movie, he doesn't really like horror movies, he saw too much of it in reality. But it's Halloween, and he's glad Marta wants to give them some commonness. So he looks at Kirill, who's enjoying himself in front of the pictures, he even took some gummies between two glasses of vodka, laughing at the stupid or natural reaction of the characters, depending on the point of view, and their soldier point of view cannot be unbiased. Jason brushes the tip of his digits on the Russian's neck. "What do you want, American?" "Wondering if you'll taste gummy candies tonight..." He whispered it on Kirill's hear just to mess a little with him, but the man only indulges a groan before returning his eyes on the screen. "I hate you so much some times..." "I hope you still hate me like you were back then..." "Yeah, Mudak..."

Marta screams, hiding behind Aaron's hands when the serial killer attacks one of the girls on the screen. Jason thought it'll be a werewolf movie when he saw the name beforehand, but it's a serial killer's movie, and it mostly sadistic and gore! It shouldn't bother him, but the rape scenery is too real for his taste, he instinctively protects Kirill from the sight by catching him by the neck.  
Then, he kisses him without thinking about it twice. Ordinarily, they are really wary of their intimacy in front of Marta and Aaron. They only share some pats and caresses in front of them, but they never kissed, and certainly not like that!  
Jason is very mindful of Kirill's well-being, he doesn't want Marta nor Aaron to witness Kirill's sexuality. But the man doesn't give a fuck to subdue in front of them, he moans Jason's name along his lips, suddenly straddling his hips. "You ok?" "Da... it's only a movie, you know..." "Sorry." "I don't mind... I like being yours to take when you want it... Do you want it, Jason?" Marta giggles next to them, she nudges her man by the elbow, and Aaron seems really annoyed. "What is it?" "Nothing... Well, I bet you two were actually fucking each other... I just win a night in the Panda Lodge! Thank you, boys! And I want french champagne, with strawberries!" "What? It's not even the season, they'll cost a lung!" "I want them, or you'll sleep on the floor. And I want whipped cream too!" "No way, it's tacky, you're not going to put that on me!" "I win, so you'll be my sex doll for that night, Aaron, and don't try to run away." "Please... help me." Jason laughs when she straddles his hips with a furious glare. "Help? Do I ask for help, when, poor me, is looking at rings on other girl's fingers, wondering if a certain man will man up one day? For fighting and hunting baby elephants, here is my man! But for asking me as your wife, you're not here anymore! I'm the one who actually has the right to say help me! At this rate, Kirill will have one before me! Where are your balls?" "Actually under your butt, and you're crushing them..." "Is it a way to say I took some pounds?" "It definitely is..." "It's your fault, and I'll get even bigger, so be prepared, I'll crush them for at least eight other months!" 

Silence is the only answer to Marta's speech. Aaron seems to have broken somewhere belong the number of months she speaks about. A baby? Will they be able to handle that? He never thought about that possibility with Marie, and she never dares to ask about it. A baby is not the best thing to have when you are on the run. But why not? Kirill frowns, he doesn't like Jason's look, at all. He tenderly caresses Jason's nose with his, grabbing his attentiveness for him alone. "Are you ok?" "Why wouldn't I?" "I cannot give you this." Jason smiles, he knocks Kirill's forehead. "But... I can give you better than a troublesome critter shitting on itself..." "Oh?" Sure, Kirill can give him everything he needs, everything he looks for. Jason can understand Aaron, they may be good fathers, but their background said otherwise... How can you grow a baby with death, killing, torture, and dehumanization as a past? Jason can picture himself with a kid with Kirill if they can manage it later if they can forget everything and more importantly if they can adopt as a gay couple. There's the sound of a slap. They turned to Aaron, who reacts finally. His eyes get bigger then he actually touches Marta's belly, but there is no joy on his face. "What?! Are you freaking out?!" "Marta... What they have done to me..." "You're stabilized! No need to worry beforehand. If I ever get a doubt before term, I'll abort. So, can you put a smile on that face before I crush harder and leave you to sleep on that couch for the rest of the month?" "I'm not even sure I'll be a good father..." "Oh, my God! You'll be a good father! Jason will be a perfect uncle too. And I'm even pretty sure Kirill will understand how to take care of a baby. You should look at him when he thinks he's all alone... the way he.... fondles his gun! So... damn... sexy!"

Jason cannot help to laugh out loud, and Aaron joins him! His mate rolls his eyes, sending a dark glare to Marta, but she only smiles like an angel. "I'm not..." "You are. Jason, I would be careful if I were you, you'd be fastly forgotten." "I don't think so... but I'll be careful, I promise. He's mine and only mine! I won't share." "You'll have to, I'm not leaving my rifle." "I have the means to make you change your mind..." "Does it involve cuff or ropes, maybe?" Jason blinks, he can't help the smirk spreading on his lips because Kirill opens more and more with the passing months, he's not anymore the man subduing just for the sake of his mind, he takes pleasure in it, he's not ashamed like he was in the first times... Jason, now, knows most of his background, he listened to Kirill's childhood, to his life in the Russian army, and the man is starting to speak about his first handler too. And Jason takes it all. All the pain... and he exchanges it, with every bit of love he can nurse for the man.  
Maybe it's not healthy for an outsider's eye, but Jason knows it's ok. It's who Kirill is, and he doesn't mind. "I think I can settle that." "Good! I'm sorry, Marta, but the movie is lame! The psychopath will kill everyone, and leave his happy and psychotic life, all alone, in his fucking American desert." "Australian... It takes place in Australia..." "It's the same!" Kirill gets up, looking at Jason, he starts unbuttoning his shirt, exposing his skin shamelessly as he retreats slowly to their room. The ex-soldier is up before Marta and Aaron can saw too much of it because Kirill is his... "Bedroom, now!" "Only if my handler has some ropes, I may have some secret files to extort..." "God, there's some in the garage, don't go anywhere else than the bedroom..." "YA tvoy..." Jason rushes to the garage, takes some ropes he keeps if they needed to climb somewhere, or tying up someone, then he finds back his Russian naked on the bed. 

He never thought what they had learned in the CIA and the FSB, will help them to discover their kinky life, but when he sees Kirill tight and bound on their sheets, he cannot take off his eyes from the man and his member engorged with blood and expectancies. "Goddamit handler, don't just look, you're not gonna make me tell all my secrets without some tease, but more physical, if you know what I have in mind..." "I have a perfect use for that Kiryusha..." Jason's smirk is strange, Kirill tries to understand what the American will do, but he can't. He looks at the man undressing in front of him, and the tease is just enough for making it unbearable. It's annoying, he cannot touch the skin showing itself, in front of his greedy eyes. Today, he doesn't want Jason's love, he wants the man to fuck his brain out. He knows when the American puts a finger in himself, that he'll be used to fuck senseless Jason and that's pretty hot.  
"Not before me, or I'll be sure you'll need some cushions to seat tomorrow, Kiryusha..." In the end, they are louder than Marta and Aaron, but they don't give a fuck if they can hear them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kiryat seems to be a pun between the name Kirill and a slang verb meaning to drink heavily.  
> Mudak or мудак is the Russian equivalent for Asshole.  
> YA tvoy or Я твой is the Russian equivalent for I'm yours.

**Author's Note:**

> I won't thank Nanuk_Dain enough! I wanted to write something on this couple too, and for a very long time. It takes me ages to do and finish it. I'm way behind her/his work, so you should absolutely read the Unexpected stories! I want to thank Trishabooms and her Good Samaritan story, too. This piece of work needs to be read too!  
> You really made me improve my English for doing that story, so I wanted to gift this work to you... With love, a French admirer.


End file.
